Yesterday I had an interesting day.
I’ve been volunteering at the library and connecting with people talking about astrology. Sometimes even giving them short readings when they show interest, which is proving to be very rewarding to me.
So at the end of the day and after taking a look on what is supposed to be a “very good book in astrology” recommended by the swami at school, I decided to write a little about the 12th house. I think that the 12th house is the most mysterious and misunderstood house in the horoscope. Yes, you still find simplistic views on the other houses too, like 8th house other people’s money or second house your own money. But I think that no other house gets such a bad reputation in the usual explanation like the 12th does. People with jam packed 12th houses probably feel very disempowered, maybe scared even, after reading all those famous cook books in astrology and themes like mental illnesses, prisons and hospitals, hidden enemies…and the disgraceful list goes on…
One thing that I find to be very important when you see 12th house planets in someone’s horoscope is solitude. That person in front of you really needs a great amount of quality time alone. If we think that the 12th house has a resonance with the piscean and neptunian archetype and what they all share is somewhat the dissolution and urge to transcend barriers, there are usually issues regarding boundaries for these people. It’s hard to separate your thoughts from other people’s when you have Mercury in Pisces or making a strong aspect to Neptune but also and specially if your Mercury is in the 12th house. It’s equally hard to discriminate your sense of anxiety or fear from what you’re picking up in the crowd when you have Saturn placed in the 12th.
The 12th house has also a connection with the womb and our experience inside our mothers so then again we have this sense of merging.
When I have clients with strong 12th house I always speak about their sensitivity to others and the environment, suggesting being more in tune with their need to be alone in order to reestablish a connection with themselves. I think that not realising this necessity is when the “hidden enemies” can show up, most of it unconscious behaviour that also connects with the classic theme of self undoing and the 12th house.
I dreamt that I had missed my flight and woke up disturbed. The day started in a funny way but now it has gone from funny to frustrating at the very least. I’ve been spending most of my hours today trying to get rid of the mould that to my horror is growing everywhere in my room. It’s good that I just realised what was going on under my nose though, I think that I prevented myself from loosing most of my stuff. Man, everything had already a foul smell that somehow resembles the smell of mushrooms. Argh…
Well, with my Mercury in Virgo, this whole situation got me thinking about what Liz Greene said in one of her books (which one I can’t remember exactly now) about using daily life situations to be interpreted symbolically in the same way as with dream analysis. And suddenly I can totally see a symbolic relation between Pluto in Capricorn heading for the second square to my Moon in Libra and my mouldy room. Something that has grown in the darker corners of my (temporary) home must be dealt with! The feeling of powerlessness in the situation, the unpleasant surprise.
It also made me think about better ways of tackling the inevitable, or what could be my best conduct in this situation. For instance I could just have ignored the humidity and bad smell and in 2 months and a half I would have had the unhappy surprise of loosing everything for good, possibly including my passport that was inside my backpack. (Not considering my health also). How traumatic would that have been?
Another road is to not ignore and deal with the crap straight away. To be aware that there is no easy way out really, and the sooner I address the problem the better, for there is less mouldy material to get my hands dirty from at once. Now, considering that I’m in a shady and super humid place in Thailand I believe that the mould will keep coming out but my choice is to deal with it daily and slowly. I’m gonna take it as it comes for some things seems to be inevitable in life…
I’ve been meaning to write another post for a little while and because I didn’t the result is a mix and match of different ideas in one text.
First, a tip for anyone that thinks about living at a tropical paradise: beware and be ready to share your space with creatures of every sort. My first week living in this Thai island and I’ve had a few encounters that reminded me about how much life thrives in tropical weather. Almost eight years of european home and somehow I had completely forgotten that.
I had a bunch of ants mercilessly invading the cereal pack that I left on the table overnight, another big spider’s delightful visit (that one was quite huge for my standards), a little lizard surprisingly jumping on me out of a clothes rack, and the big brown spider that still sharing my room with me. I understood that the table/chair area here is hers and it seems that we have an unspoken agreement on leaving each other alone. I think I might eventually grow fond of her and start a beautiful friendship.
Then I got myself thinking, are we, human beings born and raised on tropical places, also naturally wilder than the others? Im not sure what the answer is but I have to say that from my experience living in cold and mild England this seems to be so. Like that daring little lizard, I think that I did jump out of clothes racks onto people as well. But that’s another story.
I think is just interesting that I’m settling in a tropical place now, regarding that my natal moon is the ruler of the 9th in my chart. 9th house has to do with travels and living abroad, the moon has to do with home as well. So many memories from Brazil has been brought back to me. Obviously this is also and especially being triggered by that Pluto transit to my moon.
Another tip, for you people navigating the turbulent waters of an outer planet transit to a personal one: keep track of when the fast moving planets get involved in the picture. That’s when is more likely that something might happen or when you might be strongly in touch with the painful process of change. These days Mars made a conjunction to my moon and jeez, for two days I lost much of my perspective and capacity for detachment. I found myself clinging to what I thought I had understood and let go already. I somehow became those childish feelings and fears for 2 days. As Mars moved away, it felt like I came back to my body again. I’m in charge again and with more perspective.
This isn’t an easy process (the outer planets kind of change), but it’s vital in order to become oneself.
Its definitely a helping hand with the task of meeting the wilderness within.
Alright, I thought maybe it is a good idea to write a little about transiting Pluto/Uranus over my natal Moon. (Perhaps I can get some perspective and peace of mind…)
I’m in Koh Phangan now, this is my second night here and I already got my room for the next 3 months. My tantric yoga course starts only in January but because is high season it was definitely a good idea coming earlier. Today has been my first official day here and I strangely managed to lock myself out twice. At the first time a random guy helped me out but on the second time it was quite late and thunderstorming outside. I was surprised to notice the rush of fear running down my spine in such a silly situation. Of course, after struggling a little and almost falling out of the window, I found my way in again. Then, as I am talking to myself and recovering from the apparently “scary” situation I’m yet on another dreadful one: big brown spider inside the room. Obviously I couldn’t kill it and the creature is still roaming somewhere under my bed (hopefully staying down there).
I’m mentioning these two happenings in this post because is clear how much under powerful transits to our natal Moon the challenge of facing our childish fears becomes evident. In other words the challenge of becoming a self sufficient being. Mommy won’t protect you. The realisation that seeking mother under what seems a threatening situation isn’t appropriate anymore. You have to do it yourself. And more than that, also the realisation that many of those fears does not belong to you in first place. I thought about my mom when facing the spider, but my thoughts were really about how much she would be scared in my situation. About how much she is terrified of insects, and I could almost hear her voice in my head.
The process of separation from the “womb”state with mother is really a hard one and we all have issues with that. Without addressing those issues it is simply impossible to forge healthy emotional connections and relationships. And that’s where these powerful transits (by that I mean transits from Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto) reflect an opportunity for all of us, an opportunity to work on our mother issues and patterns of emotional dependency. If we take it as an opportunity, rather than focus on the emotional pain that usually is triggered during these times, we can do our best and work on ourselves, then, and only then, we can hope to have a relationship that is not based on fulfilling our childish needs. Equality is then a possibility.
Is now 3:15 in the morning in Thailand and I’m super jet legged and having troubles to sleep. Is also hot as hell and I guess I’m not used to these temperatures anymore. It doesn’t feel necessarily bad, is just weird. I’m trying to feel my way, sort of trying to recognise how my energy works here so I can consciously align myself.
When I woke up around 11pm thinking that it was the day after already I decided to go to the backyard of the hostel to get some fresh air. Tired and confused I noticed that an anxious feeling was growing inside my chest.
In the beginning of my travels I had a goal that was still much too far, or so it seemed. It was keeping me going, it was like the promised land or something like that. And so I caught myself feeling insecure now that I have almost arrived at my destination (I haven’t got to the island I wanna go to yet).
But then something happened, I saw this french guy curled up on his own with people talking to him and trying to help because he wasn’t feeling well. I think he had thrown up and stuff like that. Anyways, I felt compelled to do something to help him so I offered and gave him some Reiki.
At the end he was feeling much better and the situation, and I guess channeling Reiki as well, has also helped me to achieve yet another level of clarity about this trip and my path. My anxious feeling have dissolved into a certainty that this is the moment to take spirituality more seriously. Surrendering my ego to a much bigger process of becoming who I truly am is paramount now. Money, travel bureaucracy and etc are just details from now on. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
I think that this hot weather and the energies in this country are going to play a strong part in my alchemical process.
(And Pluto is approaching to make a second exact square to my natal moon in Libra! I really need to write a post only on this topic actually.) Next time.