Layers of meaningfulness

One of my greatest discoveries about astrology happened when transiting Neptune was opposing my natal Mercury couple of years ago. It happened when I could not concentrate to read one single sentence in a book but was having astrological lectures through my dreams instead. Obviously, as expected with Neptune’s symbolism, it took me sometime to clarify and understand this new way of interpreting the symbols.

I was listening to some samba just now, a traditional kind of music from Brazil that I rarely listen to. To be honest with you, and that’s how I started to wonder, I rarely listen to any brazilian music at all. Not that I don’t like it. Brazilian music is pretty good. But there is something about the national identity that has always bugged me and since I’ve left Brazil eight years ago I’ve been somehow avoiding it altogether.

I guess that my Uranic nature never felt like truly belonging anywhere, but specially to a culture that has strongly been based, between other frivolous things like carnaval and football, in the sexual objectification of women.

That macho culture, perhaps present in most Latin countries, has always annoyed me tremendously. I didn’t want to be part of that and leaving the country seemed like a great relief. I could finally be myself. I could finally be free to interact in any way that I felt like with people from everywhere else in the world.

That was grand, but at the same time, when I look back, I think that with the urge of freeing myself from the caveman’s culture I sort of lost a precious connection with my roots.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not a big fan of nationalism. But there is something important connected with where we come from that perhaps can also give us a hand in the search for ourselves. I am not my country or plainly my nationality, but there are certain things that I grew up on that still speaks to my soul.

Im only mentioning it, now we get to the astrological point, because I totally see this as part of the Pluto transit to my Moon. There are so many different layers to it.

It’s amazing how astrological symbolism works with layers and layers of meanings.

Pluto is transiting my second house, it has a lot to do with changing completely the way that I make my money and, on a deeper level, transforming my sense of self worth. Pluto is making a square to my Moon in Libra, yes, it also has a lot to do with leaving compulsive, childish and less desirable traits that would come out in relationships. I am developing yet another level of self reliability and independency, maybe after that I can truly hope for partnerships based in equality. The Moon is also connected with mother and I’ve been dealing with my mother complex big time. My Moon is also in the eleventh house, one of the strong themes with this transit has been the search for a community of like minded people that can give me a sense of belonging. Then my Moon rules the ninth house and I have been traveling quite a bit in search for home.

Perhaps the second half of this year will have something to do with me going to Brazil for a little. Maybe I need to revisit and reconnect with my roots. Find that part of myself, the brazilian part.

I don’t know about that. What I really know, and wanted to make a point in this post, is that astrological symbolism has many levels and we should always keep that in mind I think. If we are too ready to interpret a transit or aspect or whatever for ourselves or clients we are bound to miss a lot of potential important information.

I see the astrologer’s work as translation but also as detective work. We need to do our best to stretch out the symbolism as much as we can in order to see the bigger picture. In order to help people finding their bigger picture.

The weight of Saturn

After the personal reminder of yesterday I feel the urge to write about something that more people could resonate with. Something that could work as a reminder also, but for many people this time.

So during my last reading I had my client asking me how important was the Saturn return and what was that about.

Well, very much.

I always say to my clients that it is only after the Saturn return (when transiting Saturn is back in the same position that it was at the moment of birth) that astrologers consider the individual to be leaving teenagehood behind and heading towards becoming an adult. I’m not sure if every astrologer believe that, but I definitely do. And I also want you to keep in mind that it all comes down to individuals as well. I’ve seen people that, even many years after their Saturn return, were still struggling with taking responsibility for themselves.

I like seeing transits as opportunities. When certain parts of your chart are being activated, by transit or progression, is like there is an extra amount of energy available for you to work with. The more aware you are of the possibilities of manifestation according to your personal blueprint, more able to refine those principles for the better.

That’s empowerment.

The question isn’t when your Saturn return is going to be over. The real question is what this Saturn return is about personally to me and how can I work constructively with that. (This question can actually be asked every time you have an important transit from Uranus, Neptune and Pluto also.)

To find the personal meaning you have to analyse where that Saturn is in the astrological chart. What house? What sign? What aspects does it do to other planets or points in that person’s horoscope?

Saturn stands for boundaries, limitations, reality. It also has a resonance with solidity and sturdiness. One of the definitions of responsibility is the ability to respond to life’s challenges, and this is the core line in any transit from Saturn. Specially the Saturn return, when all of the dreams and visions that were healthily experienced in our twenties are brought into check. We feel the weight of responsibility. We realise that we won’t be able to do everything that we thought about doing it, the filmmaking, becoming a scuba diving instructor, travel the world on a horse…and the list goes on. Those dreams were important during that phase of life when we are still experimenting in order to know who we are.

By the time Saturn returns, we feel the weight of responsibility through our decisions. We know that life is somehow becoming serious. We’ve got to optimise our energies investing in what is truly important for us.

Having to face our saturnian fears during the return is a great part of the process. The process of standing on our own feet.

I’ve seen someone with Saturn in  the third house who had never read a book in his entire life facing the challenge of writing a theses in another language in order to get a master.

I’ve seen someone with Saturn in Libra in the 12th going through the hard break up of a long term relationship during his return.

There are many more examples.

What makes the difference is the attitude when taking up the challenge.

Those who did it head on, taking responsibility for themselves, somehow have succeeded in the real challenge of becoming more solid as an individual.

Reminder

Mostly I’m writing this post now as a reminder to myself.

I’m in Clapham Common having a coffee at the place I used to work before leaving everything behind. I actually just finished my second coffee. I really shouldn’t have done this as I’m now feeling a bit hyper. At the yoga school coffee is one of the things they tell you to quit.

I’m having my period in about a week, (I’ve been having my period around the full moon for quite a while), and feel strange. My PMS isn’t nearly as strong as it used to be before consistently practicing yoga like I’ve been doing everyday for the past 2 months and a half, but I can still feel it. The practice of yoga is not only decreasing my levels of PMS, but also providing me with detachment. That is truly great. Is like I can, instead of just becoming instantly possessed by it, stare at the more destructive parts of myself in the face.

Anyways, the more infantile part of me, the one that was desperately in love with that young man over a year ago, has been actively throwing emotions at me today. I’m still quite centered though. I’m not necessarily felling cheerful, but I’m peaceful.

This situation reminds me of the realisation I’ve had after coming back from Bristol last week.

The Pluto transit to my Moon is still an ongoing process, with the longest hit taking place pretty much during the whole second half of this year. I don’t like predictions and I strongly believe that thoughts create reality, but after I came back from Bristol I realised that my confusion and search for home is still going to linger on for a bit longer. The feeling of contentment and belonging that I’ve had during my last two weeks in Thailand whilst being super busy with astrology was just a taster. It was just a preview of, more or less, how my life can be once Im done with all of the detox and transformation expected from an intense plutonic time.

I feel that I really need to keep reminding myself of that in order to work constructively with whatever is being born within me. And the transit is perhaps only a reflection.

I like to think like that. I believe it to be more empowering and helpful in the cultivation of patience, a fundamental virtue in the process of maturation.

Energy work

My excitement needs a post to be registered.

Back in London again and had a pretty sound day today.

Later on, after almost 2 weeks that I’ve been back in the UK, I finally felt like contacting my ex lover. The one that played an important part in all of these changes that I’ve been making since last year. The one that was so hard to forget during this whole time of intense turbulence.

I guess I am very happy to have spoken to him just now. Happy to have shared a few of my thoughts and feelings about my life now.

But mostly I’m truly excited about putting in practice what I’ve learnt at the yoga course.

When I called him my heart was wildly pumping. It was amazing to see the effect that he still somehow has over me. There is this crazy amount of emotional intensity in this connection and that always felt quite uncomfortable to me, as well as somehow irresistible. Both my Pluto and Saturn are in Scorpio and as much as I praise and seek an intense emotional exchange and intimate connection with someone, I also dread that.

I could never ignore the fact that our composite Moon is tightly conjunct to Pluto.

There was, and it seems like there is still, a lot of powerful emotions being generated by our interaction. The difference now is knowing how to use that mainly as, quite literally, a generator. A generator of a kind of energy that can be harnessed for spiritual growth. Straight after my first attempt calling him and feeling those strong feelings I just did some of the yoga postures and breathing exercises for sublimation of energy. Basically I did the exercises that were designed to send the flow of energy from the lower chakras to the higher ones.

It worked pretty well I think.

When we actually spoke on the phone I was quite centered and did not lose the focus on myself. Amazing. This is precious knowledge for someone like me, someone that tend to feel things quite intensely. Especially when it comes to a love affair.

I think that finding ways to help reclaiming our power is crucial in the process of self realisation.

I feel content.

 

Searching for home part 2

I’m in Bristol now.

I arrived here yesterday to meet a potential house mate. The add seemed lovely, an older woman who is an energy worker as well as an astrologer looking for 2 more people to share a farm house. Big garden to grow vegetables and pretty spacious house.

One big let down though, too far away and difficult to get to Bristol City centre without a car. I didn’t even go to meet her once I realised the massive pain to get there by public transport.

It didn’t work out but I’m okay with that. It’s good to be here and allow myself time to feel the city, or perhaps to rather give me time to allow feeling myself in this city.

I’ve been officially homeless for a year now.

Exactly one year ago the last Uranus-Pluto square that was perfected in the sky happened at 15 degrees, same degree as my natal Moon. On 12th of March 2015, when Mars was also conjoining Uranus in the sky, I was packing up and selecting the stuff that potentially could still be part of my new life.

I was terrified and shattered at the same time. The intensity of emotions that I felt during that time was truly overwhelming. It sounds contradictory, but I remember to be feeling blind and numb by the powerful intensity.

I also remember the first few steps that I took once I left the house with my backpack. A brief moment of clarity, freedom and certainty. Yes, I was shortly thrown back into the darker feelings aroused by such changes in life. But those few minutes were somehow crucial to keep me on track. To help me build the courage needed in order to leave stagnant comfort zones behind.

One year has gone by and my sense of Self has increased tremendously. I’ve always knew that projecting my identity and safety into outer things, like relationships or material stuff, wouldn’t work for me. Consolidating your sense of security into yourself feels right and I’m already experiencing moments of solid balance as a reward.

(I’ve had more to write in this post but got interrupted by my friend and somehow feels like a pretense to continue without the feelings of that moment..)