Are we hooks for each other?

These days I’ve commited the mistake of calling my ex lover. The idea came very sudden and I could not help.

I don’t know about you, but the full moon in Scorpio last Thursday was extra intense for me. There was an enormous build up of energy to be realised and I got in touch with lots and lots of resentment that was still stored somewhere within me. I also have been getting my period with the full moon and fuck,  that was intense, the so called “PMS” was strong.

Well, they call it pre menstrual syndrome, I call it full moon in Scorpio.

My yoga practice is still pretty consistent and is one of the only things that truly brings me enjoyment and puts me in high spirits.

Going back to the mistaken phone call, just to make it clear, I tried calling  only after I had my big release. When I did call I wasn’t feeling bad about him or expecting much, at least not more than a friendly talk.

To my surprise he picked up the phone quite drunk (he has a big Stellium in Scorpio located in the 12th house of his horoscope, maybe I shouldn’t be that surprised?) He seemed really happy to be talking to me. I know that’s just regular stuff you would think, everyone gets overly excited when they’re drunk and under the beams of scorpionic full moon right? Well, I guess so, but I was still surprised to hear him loosing control a little. He always made a point in keeping his emotions and real feelings for me well hidden (he also has Mars in Capricorn..)

Anyways, what really bothered me also brought me the thought for the title of this post.

I have the strong feeling that he projects much of his Scorpio energy into me, and yes, I do have some plutonic/Scorpio energy in my horoscope so I am somehow a well fitted hook for his projection.

But, my horoscope isn’t nearly as focal into one kind of energy as his.

I also have other kinds of energies that are equally strong to the Pluto/Scorpio signature and they need space to be expressed and recognised as well. My Mars/Uranus in Sagittarius for instance, a kind of energy that is somewhat explosive and very much straight forward. An energy that is way far from dark and secretive.

My point is that even though I had friendly intentions for that conversation, we somehow ended up in a much more “emotional” and “us” kind of chat. I’m really not trying to give away the responsibility for my behaviour or emotional response. What I’m trying to say is that because he seems to be so powerfully unconscious of his feminine planets in Scorpio, the strength that he uses to project them into me is sometimes unbearably strong. So much so that many times whilst we were relating I caught myself behaving in a paranoid, overly jealous or suspicious way. Emotions were really intense.

Again, don’t get me wrong, I do take responsibility for my feelings and yes, I can be paranoid, jealous or suspicious myself. But I am also very straight forward. I really dislike playing games. My strong Sagittarius side can’t really bear not being honest.

Off course there is more stuff happening in our synastry, probably a lot of projection from my part as well.

My question is when and how do we withdraw the projection? When do we reclaim back the dark parts of our psyche?

But also, how much of a hook for each other’s inner characters are we? When I’m around or in touch with this person the pull to behave in a certain way is more than compelling.

If we have the universe within ourselves, then its just logic that we are also part of the other’s universe. It’s like a dance.

The dance of wholeness.

When looking into synastry, pay attention to which island of your psyche is being energised by the other person. And vice versa.

The hooks that bind you will be symbolically represented there..


Pluto’s visit to my 2nd house

I’ve been back in London for over a week and I’m already thinking about going away again.

I know this is no news, considering that one of the only things that has been quite clear to me is that my life in London is gone.

I also know that I am very lucky for having somewhere to stay that is so chilled, perfect for my needs at the moment, and for as long as I want. (my eccentric friend is making sure to tell me that I can stay for as long as I want and not to worry about anything as he seems to truly appreciate my company.)

“We are driven either by achievement and perfectionism, or by their flip side, worthlessness and self-loathing, to play out our ideas of how things should be rather than learning to experience directly the pain or the pleasure of how things are.”

This quote is from the book I am reading at the moment, “Yoga and the quest for the true Self” by Stephen Cope.

Pluto has been transiting my second house for several years and after transiting my natal Moon it will finally make its way into the 3rd house of my horoscope. Pluto started transiting my second house in my early 20’s when I was at university studying history. At that time I had just got my first official job in an archive and I remember feeling overwhelmed by the idea of how to spend my salary. There were so many things that I could buy and be left with no money afterwards. I remember feeling confused passing by so many stores with their strong appeal for consumerism on my bus ride to Uni. I remember my uneasy feeling for having an identity that seemed quite flaky, dependant on something external that from one moment to another could be completely gone.

I wasn’t aware of the deeper questions that were beginning to rise. At that time, I could purely sense them.

I was suddenly a consumer on my own right. No more asking my parents if I could have something or not. I felt a tremendous weight of responsibility for the choices I could be making as if I could instinctively sense what the next few years of Pluto transiting my second house would be about. As if I could sense the latent quest for my true values.

I’ve been struggling with money for most of this time. In the process of understanding what is truly important to me I have been basing my choices in what seems priorities to me, even if most of the time that goes against the common belief that security or value equals money in your bank account. My impulse and need to become myself is so strong that it constantly forces me to challenge my fears.

And that leads us back to the quote I wrote sometime earlier in the text. The book I’m reading now is proving to be such an inspiration after my encounter with  yoga and sustained daily practice. I feel more and more centered in myself. I feel less and less the need for outer reality to confirm the false sense of self, that I should be “successful” in whatever way. That I should be somewhere I’m not at the moment.

Almost at the end of Pluto transiting my second house is becoming more and more unbearable to do something that I don’t resonate with, that I don’t truly value, just for the money.

Because money isn’t the definition of what is valuable to me.