These days I’ve commited the mistake of calling my ex lover. The idea came very sudden and I could not help.
I don’t know about you, but the full moon in Scorpio last Thursday was extra intense for me. There was an enormous build up of energy to be realised and I got in touch with lots and lots of resentment that was still stored somewhere within me. I also have been getting my period with the full moon and fuck, that was intense, the so called “PMS” was strong.
Well, they call it pre menstrual syndrome, I call it full moon in Scorpio.
My yoga practice is still pretty consistent and is one of the only things that truly brings me enjoyment and puts me in high spirits.
Going back to the mistaken phone call, just to make it clear, I tried calling only after I had my big release. When I did call I wasn’t feeling bad about him or expecting much, at least not more than a friendly talk.
To my surprise he picked up the phone quite drunk (he has a big Stellium in Scorpio located in the 12th house of his horoscope, maybe I shouldn’t be that surprised?) He seemed really happy to be talking to me. I know that’s just regular stuff you would think, everyone gets overly excited when they’re drunk and under the beams of scorpionic full moon right? Well, I guess so, but I was still surprised to hear him loosing control a little. He always made a point in keeping his emotions and real feelings for me well hidden (he also has Mars in Capricorn..)
Anyways, what really bothered me also brought me the thought for the title of this post.
I have the strong feeling that he projects much of his Scorpio energy into me, and yes, I do have some plutonic/Scorpio energy in my horoscope so I am somehow a well fitted hook for his projection.
But, my horoscope isn’t nearly as focal into one kind of energy as his.
I also have other kinds of energies that are equally strong to the Pluto/Scorpio signature and they need space to be expressed and recognised as well. My Mars/Uranus in Sagittarius for instance, a kind of energy that is somewhat explosive and very much straight forward. An energy that is way far from dark and secretive.
My point is that even though I had friendly intentions for that conversation, we somehow ended up in a much more “emotional” and “us” kind of chat. I’m really not trying to give away the responsibility for my behaviour or emotional response. What I’m trying to say is that because he seems to be so powerfully unconscious of his feminine planets in Scorpio, the strength that he uses to project them into me is sometimes unbearably strong. So much so that many times whilst we were relating I caught myself behaving in a paranoid, overly jealous or suspicious way. Emotions were really intense.
Again, don’t get me wrong, I do take responsibility for my feelings and yes, I can be paranoid, jealous or suspicious myself. But I am also very straight forward. I really dislike playing games. My strong Sagittarius side can’t really bear not being honest.
Off course there is more stuff happening in our synastry, probably a lot of projection from my part as well.
My question is when and how do we withdraw the projection? When do we reclaim back the dark parts of our psyche?
But also, how much of a hook for each other’s inner characters are we? When I’m around or in touch with this person the pull to behave in a certain way is more than compelling.
If we have the universe within ourselves, then its just logic that we are also part of the other’s universe. It’s like a dance.
The dance of wholeness.
When looking into synastry, pay attention to which island of your psyche is being energised by the other person. And vice versa.
The hooks that bind you will be symbolically represented there..