Chironic pain

I’ve had a sound day today.

A few chats about astrology and couple of people asking me for readings. It seems like Mars going back to forward motion is about to reflect me getting a bit busier with my work. (Mars rules my ascendant and 6th house)

I took a walk in the rain on my way back to where I’m staying.

That felt liberating.

Such a familiar feeling when I’m on the road. Strong sense of belonging. Lightness in my heart as I move forward.

Freedom.

Then, when I got “home” had the room for myself and the chance to catch up with sad feelings.

Feeling rejected always brings the old pain back.

And that’s when I realise that transiting chiron has just turned retrograde. It’s at 25 degrees Pisces, just one degree away from making an opposition to my Venus from my natal 5th house. (5th house is ruled by Neptune which makes a square to natal Venus..)

Disillusionment.

That is painful. But a different kind of pain, compared to the plutonian one.

This seems to be a more silent kind of pain, less dramatic. Not so much death involved, but a sense of damage beyond repair.

It’s quiet and yet profound. Pluto pain is a lot louder, it really messes you up. It cuts you open and throws your guts all over the place. Blood everywhere. Dramatic shock.

Not with chiron though.

Transiting Saturn has also been activating my natal chiron, and so has Neptune. Again, similar “chironic”/neptunian theme.

Feeling damaged and silently crying, like an orphan on mother’s day.

Then I speak with a friend, laughter. Her healthy and beautiful face fills my heart and removes me from that space.

And for now I am whole again.

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Let go letter # 17

Another corpse within me,

The death of my dying feelings for you.

I thank you and remove the dead skin of yesterday’s love.

I want to be free, I want to soar into the heights of depth…

I want bravery to unflinchingly be

And I like it hot.

I now know, noo  ..