Plutonic Capricorn crisis..

I’m sitting down having breakfast on my own.

I just realised that the clock has changed in England and instead of 6:50 is actually 5:51 in the morning.

Having some issues at work and, with that, also having shadowy parts of my psyche popping up regularly.

Being an authority isn’t easy and yesterday, when I went to bed at 8pm feeling down, I was thinking about the reasons why I’ve never wanted to do that (be an authority figure in almost 7 years of experience in this industry).

I am a very good worker and pretty good at taking orders from superiors too (even though I have to respect the person in charge first). And I used to enjoy just being that, the excellent part time worker that comes 3 times a week.

In that way, without committing too much, I’ve managed to keep myself free from the inner critic and almost obsessive perfectionism, at least in these kind of odd jobs (the ones that aren’t really my true passion).

But is really hard to do that now.

I just cannot keep myself detached and make a commitment at the same time.

If I decide to do something, I’m doing it wholeheartedly. I put all of me in it. I am a Scorpio rising after all..

Yesterday when I was in bed really early, resting my exhausted legs and feet, it took me at least 3 good hours and a half to stop thinking about work. I was worried about the inconsistent way that we’ve been serving our coffee (we don’t have a barista), then I was worried that I’m getting my period soon and don’t want to be at work because of the pain (I refuse to take pain killers since my Saturn return and my journey of healing and reconnecting with my womb) but we are a tiny team for financial reasons and at the moment is hard to get someone to cover you..

Then I was worrying that I don’t want to commit myself that much, reasoning that I haven’t opened a cafe myself and that my real passion is astrology.

I want to focus my energy in reading and writing, these are one of my best skills and that’s what I most love doing.

And finally I had to calm myself down and remember that I just need to give him a hand for a little (I’m giving 3 months minimum) and save up some cash working full time, and then I will be free again.

I also can’t forget that Pluto is making the final exact square to my Moon for the whole month of November still.

Home life is pretty good, I’m enjoying it enormously. But what seems to be brought up now is the financial and lifelong (so it seems) crisis in my value system.

I’ve had moments in tears last night thinking about the business mentality of efficiency above human well being and how my ego is easily falling into that trap, for I am the manager now, even though I really don’t believe and don’t want to be a part of that system anymore.

And so I just kept quietly repeating to myself “only 3 months, only 3 months, only 3 months”.. until unconsciousness came to rescue me.

The cafe’s chart

We opened the cafe today!

I took a look at the exact time that we opened the doors as I really wanted to cast it’s astrological chart.

I’m not a hundred per cent sure on how to read it as I am more in tune with the psychological approach to interpreting astrological symbols, but I find it interesting nevertheless.

The rising sign is at 6 degrees Scorpio with both rulers together (Mars and Pluto at 15 Capricorn) in the 3rd house. I thought that perhaps this is the kind of signature of a survivor.

The third house makes me think that we should probably get actively involved with the local community and neighbourhood. Perhaps even promote or facilitate some kind of exchange of information between people?! The Moon is also in Gemini, which somehow speaks of connecting and being flexible?!

The MC is at 18 degrees Leo and the Sun, it’s ruler, in Libra in the 12th house. That sounds a little reclusive for a cafe?! I’m not sure. The Sun is also conjunct Mercury and both are opposing Uranus in the 6th house. Something about being quirk in some way?!

Moon in Gemini is applying to a trine with the Sun in Libra and I like the feel of it.

I specially like that Jupiter and Venus are in mutual reception (Jupiter in Libra, Venus in Sagittarius), Jupiter being the ruler of the 2nd house and Venus the natural ruler of that area. Also Venus is in the second house of the Cafe’s chart and it will eventually make a sextile to Jupiter in the 11th (again the idea of community?! Somehow engaging with groups of people more consciously? An ideal?).

Saturn is in the second house, but it is applying to a sextile with Jupiter also. Perhaps there will be a solid finacial build up?!

I’m feeling quite tired now, not used to doing this kind of work anymore.

It was a 12 hour shift today.

The cool side is that I’ve never worked as a manager before. The challenge of learning new things and taking more responsibility does excite me a bit.

At least for now.

And that’s how I spent the day with transiting Mars activating the Pluto transit to my Moon, working hard!