Transforming forms..

If my writing is becoming somewhat repetitive I apologise.

But this Pluto transit is taking most of my attention and energy at the moment. I can’t really talk or think about anything else other than one of the many Pluto-Moon layers that one can feel being triggered right now..

Yes, finally I’ve got a home. (at least for now anyways)

In the past few days I’ve been indulging in spending time in my new bedroom, specially in bed. I’ve got the mattress from someone else and I’ve been working on putting my energy in it.

I’ve been working on concentrating my energy in this space.

Jolly good.

But yesterday we finally spoke, me and the guy I was seeing since July. He finished the retreat and told me he has signed up for long term service there.

He seems happier  and lighter than before and I’m glad about that.

But here comes the next Pluto square Moon event: he also told me that he somehow has lost interest in our relationship. He isn’t as attracted to me as he was before. Just like that.

Since the beginning of this relationship he was always saying how crazy about me he was. He was always all over me, doing things for me, giving me compliments, buying me things… saying that he was concerned that he liked me a lot more than I liked him.

I just wanted to go slow.

Knowing about the Pluto transit to my Moon I knew I couldn’t just allow him to take care of me like he wanted to. I had to keep some space. I had to do it on my own, moving cities and also getting acquainted with my new place. I didn’t want to rely on him too much.

I just knew I wasn’t supposed to.

Not when Pluto, transiting my second house of self reliability, was making the final (and longest) square to my natal Moon in Libra, changing patterns of co-dependency in relationships.

But yesterday was a bit shocking to hear, and to feel his coolness towards me. I was already contemplating the idea of being on my own so I could focus on myself, but witnessing how someone can flip and change in only a few days feels slightly scary to me.

I am not terrified like I was when my previous lover broke up with me when I was just about to move out from my house on my own (back on the first square from Pluto to my Moon in March 2015).

I am not scared in a survival kind of way. No.

I just feel a little scared with the possibility that love might never stay..

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7 thoughts on “Transforming forms..

  1. Love is Always Here, but it often doesn’t look like we Expect it to. By moving to Gratitude we may be able to discover where our Expectations are leading us astray. However, don’t let that take you out of the beautiful way you Experience your Emotions directly and Consciously!
    I consider Pluto-Moon events to be the hardest we’ll ever do, because they will *test* our Emotional Resilience by bringing up ALL of our worst Fears and Bummers. I applaud your Willingness to be Present with them.
    Back in the 1980s when Pluto was transiting Scorpio, the mantra was “The Way Out Is Through” – and that’s very true for Pluto-Moon; we “win” by Allowing ourself to *Be* the Emotion. When we Experience Emotion *in our Physical Body* it’s usually not nearly as Painful as it is in our Emotional Body.
    A guideline that’s always been useful for me is “Fear is Cold and Hard; Love is Warm and Soft” – locate any unpleasant (or even Pleasant) Emotions in your Body, *Soften* the space around them, and Warm them with your hand. That also works very well for Physical discomfort.
    “Ganeshi, please Remove All Obstacles to Fernanda’s Loving and Gentle and Rapid and Complete Embrace of her Pluto-Moon Experience. Thank you, Ganeshi.”
    After Pluto-Moon, there won’t be much that will be able to destabilize you!
    You’ll also have Mars moving over Pluto this month just after the Full Moon and the Juno-Nemesis Conjunction, so your Emotions may end up in the Mixmaster for a few days. Sit back and Enjoy the Show as best you can – it’s really all about *Insight*!

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  2. Let me guess. [I am doing a hasty assessment from glancing over posts as that is all I have time for at the moment. My apologies for not taking/making more time.] This guy is a Sagittarius, and you are a Virgo? That might explain the sudden strong interest and favors that suddenly come to a cold halt. If there’s a strong Sagittarius vibe/gene in the man and little to ground or keep him going, he might blow like the wind; perhaps his feelings are cyclical like the seasons. In any case, he sounds like a fast-giving romantic (not unlike myself in some past instances) who, as the saying goes, “probably does that for all the girls.” You felt special for receiving focus. But, the focus was not either intended or clear.

    Then again, I am not sure which sign would want to look after you (as you said he did) more, Virgo or Sagittarius. Usually, Virgo plays bed nurse to those who have earned its affection. Sagittarius likes caring for others; but it’s usually more like playing with a doll. You do it while you’re in the spirit of the moment and then want to get up and do something else. Sagittarius doesn’t want to be bogged down with duty/responsibility unless it kindles the fire of accomplishment or adventure. Being a bed nurse for too long is like being stuck in a cage.

    I guess who ever is moving around more would be more Sagittarius than the other. I am not sure which of you is more on the move, but you did say YOU were in transition over the past few months if not the past year. [I thought you were being metaphorical til I saw you are actually moving about and “homeless.”]

    Perhaps he cooled things off sharply because he knew no other way to say, “This isn’t going to work: the distance and traveling thing. I can’t be with you as much as I’d like. And, I’d hate to think what you’d do with me away, possibly finding feelings with someone else.”

    [I wouldn’t mind analyzing this more, knowing more of the signs (including Chinese astrology). Us astrology types can be weird like that, right? 🙂 Then again, the ones getting paid to analyze are more selective with their time and words.]

    I am amazed if you can find a guy who isn’t bothered by too much astrology talk. It’s not like I run into women who are so willing to discuss it openly. It’s kind of like talking religion or magic. I used to run into a few Wicca types with whom I did not gel well because any talk of “real” magic is a bit unsettling to me…just as me bringing up astrology with previous religious coworkers upset them. They’d jump at me and spout some evil curse. I’d try to reassure them that astrology is not my religion; it’s more of a way for me to contemplate people and events and detect reasons for outcomes. But, it’s rare for me to find someone who I can speak with astrology casually. To be honest, I don’t get quite as technical as you with all the houses, squares and transits. 🙂 I don’t sit with a telescope or chart every day…or even every year. I just look up birthdays and look for signs in planet placements to see which pair up well.

    Essentially, I spend more time with relationship compatibility than foreseeing anything. But, if I had the right partner, I might be able to better work out all the other stuff. On my own, it’s just not worth my energy or time. [I DO need to keep some grasp on the world around me outside of the signs. It’s not like I can just sit in an observatory gazing at stars til peasants visit my hillside abode.]

    FYI I am a hot mess of air, fire and water with no earth to ground me; so I can be full of words/wind but, every now and then, hatch some golden metaphors and philosophies.

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    • Thank you for the throughly quick assessment and attempt to analyse astrologicaly the situation. He does have a lot of Sagittarius but also Moon conjunct Saturn in the 1st house in Virgo and Venus in Scorpio (which gives him a different side to the fiery and flinching Sagittarius part). He has been calling me almost everyday and we have been talking a lot. No certainties, but hey, that’s life isn’t?! 🙂

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      • I also have a lot of Sagittarius and the Scorpio Venus…interesting. Perhaps why I detected a similarity.

        Talking every day doesn’t sound like departure in the wing, but he already kinda made it clear he was cutting you out. Unless, he’s scrambling for ways to say he’s not entirely sure about his feelings/the relationship. But, that would likely all go away if you two spent sufficient time together. If you spend all your time talking via devices instead of in person, that might explain the awkwardness. Otherwise, I am not sure what’s going on. [But, I am also not sure how to feel, being a sort of voyeur to the situation and not like a close friend giving input/advice (which, these days, is as likely to be ignored as appreciated).]

        Again, I am probably clueless about all the conjuncts and such. I get vibes from the basics, from what sign slots each planet fits in. I base much of my assessment off the standards, sun, moon, venus, mars and rising.

        Maybe the daily calls are his way of easing the final blow. Or, as Katy Perry says…how’s that go? You don’t want to stay. But, you don’t really want to go. He’s going through a hot and cold phase of uncertainty.

        [When I am on the phone with someone who stirs the depths of my interest and anxieties, I can talk a blue streak, myself. It might just be hot air. Or, there might be something in there that is important and he’s not sure you’re getting that from him.]

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  3. Everything is very uncertain at the moment but somehow I’m okay with it. He is very confused about what he wants for life really, not only the relationship with me, but something greater like his purpose here and etc. I’m alright with this break because I understand that he needs to find himself first, we can’t share something that we don’t have (in this case, himself). He is at a vipassana centre and will be there for 3 months. I think this is good for him either way (if we are going to be together or if we are not going to be together.) At the moment I’m very happy to be focused on my things, my new job, my astrology, my yoga practice, etc. If we are meant to be together it will have to be from a higher level rather than neediness, loneliness or a need for validation. With this transit from Pluto to my Moon in Libra one of my many realisations is that from now on I am only going to get involved in a real relationship (by that I mean a relationship made of 2 individuals, rather than 2 halves…) Thank you for your attempt to analyse my situation, and yanks for reading my blog! ♡

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