If my writing is becoming somewhat repetitive I apologise.
But this Pluto transit is taking most of my attention and energy at the moment. I can’t really talk or think about anything else other than one of the many Pluto-Moon layers that one can feel being triggered right now..
Yes, finally I’ve got a home. (at least for now anyways)
In the past few days I’ve been indulging in spending time in my new bedroom, specially in bed. I’ve got the mattress from someone else and I’ve been working on putting my energy in it.
I’ve been working on concentrating my energy in this space.
But yesterday we finally spoke, me and the guy I was seeing since July. He finished the retreat and told me he has signed up for long term service there.
He seems happier and lighter than before and I’m glad about that.
But here comes the next Pluto square Moon event: he also told me that he somehow has lost interest in our relationship. He isn’t as attracted to me as he was before. Just like that.
Since the beginning of this relationship he was always saying how crazy about me he was. He was always all over me, doing things for me, giving me compliments, buying me things… saying that he was concerned that he liked me a lot more than I liked him.
I just wanted to go slow.
Knowing about the Pluto transit to my Moon I knew I couldn’t just allow him to take care of me like he wanted to. I had to keep some space. I had to do it on my own, moving cities and also getting acquainted with my new place. I didn’t want to rely on him too much.
I just knew I wasn’t supposed to.
Not when Pluto, transiting my second house of self reliability, was making the final (and longest) square to my natal Moon in Libra, changing patterns of co-dependency in relationships.
But yesterday was a bit shocking to hear, and to feel his coolness towards me. I was already contemplating the idea of being on my own so I could focus on myself, but witnessing how someone can flip and change in only a few days feels slightly scary to me.
I am not terrified like I was when my previous lover broke up with me when I was just about to move out from my house on my own (back on the first square from Pluto to my Moon in March 2015).
I am not scared in a survival kind of way. No.
I just feel a little scared with the possibility that love might never stay..