Winter is coming here in England and I feel the darkness more and more.
The urgency reflected by transiting Pluto square to my natal Moon seems to be slowly fading away and I am still trying to see clearly what is left within myself.
Perhaps the seasonal darkness can help me making sense of who I am now; but lately I have had people coming to visit and stay with me and its been difficult to spend quality time on my own.
My brother came to visit this weekend. He is gone now and I am feeling a little nostalgic and somewhat sad.
5 years without going back to Brasil or seeing my parents starts to weigh on me I think..
I have a few ideas for new talks and a short course on astrology that I want to put together for early next year, but the darkness and emotional digestive process that I am going through now seem to be holding me back a little.
Is funny how much we seem to have lost touch with the natural processes of gestation and death, with the natural cycles of life.. with the seasons..
Our conditionings, that are supported by technological discoveries (electricity for instance), tells us repeatedly that we should be productive at all times. It tells us that only summer is great, with its long days full of laughter and social times.
It tells us that only the fruit is great, and that we should be ripping them constantly. But what about the seeding? Or taking care of the soil? Those activities are not as glamorous in our society..
I am writing this post in an attempt to dialogue with the voice in my own head that keeps nagging me for not being productive enough.
The darkest time of the year is supposed to be the time to go inwards isn’t?! A time for recoiling and pondering everything that has happened so far and identifying where you’re at in the process of becoming..
This is the time for reassessment and hopefully deeper understanding… why so much pressure to be doing things all the time?!
Even though all that I can think of and feel truly excited about is dedicating myself to my work and career, I couldn’t refuse the opportunity to go away for a little.
Im in Barcelona visiting my brother. (And managing to work from here.)
I had one client two days ago and today have another one for an astrology reading.
The feeling of freedom is incredible when you work for yourself!
I also feel that the time is ripe for me as I witness many different opportunities opening up.
Transiting Jupiter is making its last conjunction to my natal Moon and at the same time my progressed Moon in Capricorn is approaching a conjunction to my natal Jupiter.
A double whammy that propelled me to take the opportunity and travel.
Buddhafield was also incredible. Once more (like in the previous year) I had a very powerful experience of healing and profound exchanges with people. (I also managed to do some work there!)
Different than last year though, Pluto’s square to my natal Moon wasn’t exact anymore (the transit is beginning to move away now, even if slowly..) and I could feel the difference internally (also externally with all the changes that have occurred in my life).
More solidity and sturdiness, less destruction and feeling the void within.
The void has actually somehow become the gravity centre that allows me to be present..
Im having a bit of an issue getting in touch with a client that still has to pay for my service and doesn’t get back to me.
And I wonder, has every astrologer/freelancer gone through something similar?! Do we have to ask for guarantees beforehand and mistrust people’s sense of integrity?
Maybe this person is very busy… with a very sick mother.. and/or the telephone sank in the toilet.. who knows?!
To be honest isn’t even the lack of payment that bothers me, but the potential lack of respect.
Anyways, apart from this situation, things are developing well for me.
I have recently set up another talk at the same spot here in Bristol and feel excited about it. The first one went pretty well and I felt so energised afterwards.. also with great feedback from people.
Public speaking seems to be a very strong part of my call and I am looking forward to doing more and more of it.
With my progressed Moon currently in Capricorn I am finding great pleasure in getting on with “To do” lists like never before.
More fun than dancing or having idle time… very appreciative of increasing productivity at the moment ..
I just felt the need to come here and write for a bit.
Is already 12:31 AM and Im having trouble sleeping.
Im not sure exactly what is going on but I definitely feel charged with an extra amount of energy which I need dispelling..
Today was sort of a day off that I have given myself (even though I have worked a little on my blog) but now I am rolling in bed from one side to another having astrological ideas and mini insights.
I am currently reading James Hillman’s “The soul’s code – In search of character and calling” and can’t stop thinking about the idea of having a “daimon”. The author is basically defending the hypotheses that we are all born with an intrinsic call, a soul or spirit guidance, to become something.
He calls this “the acorn theory”, “which proposes that each life is formed by a particular image, an image that is the essence of that life and calls it to a destiny, just as the mighty oak’s destiny is written in the tiny acorn”.
I am thinking about that in relation to astrology, in one sense about how astrology can be helpful in finding the thread of our “destiny” (what we were born to be according to the archetypes in our charts), but also in the context of my life and my own calling.
Yesterday’s talk was truly refreshing and inspiring.
It felt like I belonged there in that place of sharing insight/knowledge/stories. It was like actualising something strong and deeper, something somehow bigger than just a desire to be a teacher.
Im not sure if I can convey in words that certainty, that feeling of somehow being back home and revelling in my element.
It felt great though.
Now, at this peculiar “insomnian” sleepless moment to me, I can’t help but have ideas for the next talk that I want to do….!