Colourful Symbolism..

I have been really busy lately, a lot of inner changes taking place and a few short trips.

But I felt the urge to try coming back to writing again.

I have recently gone to a training course in theatre and the experience was quite powerful (I have a strong positive feeling about mixing astrology with theatre!).

Ate the end of the course we performed Macbeth, a play that strongly reflects transiting Pluto’s last almost exact square to my Moon, happening now.

The hero’s journey into the underworld.

A descent into the darkness.

I came back home feeling that there is much to integrate from the whole experience, and obviously, also much to be integrated from my personal descent into the underworld in the last few years. (whilst Pluto transited my Moon)

And yesterday while I was dancing in my room I had this vision about practicing astrology like I would paint a picture.

In my experience, when I tried painting a picture with too much rigidity I never felt quite happy about the result. It was only when I understood that the colours should blend with fluidity that I started to truly appreciate my art work. I started to feel freer to experiment and something quite unique would come out.

I feel that with astrology is a little bit like that, if you get too stuck with the cookbook type of interpretation you end up too rigid in your interpretation of a person’s natal chart or process of growth. There is no movement or texture. No different nuances.

I had this vision while I was reassessing what happened to me in the last year.

Pluto transiting my Moon has never left the background, but different transits have added different tones and stories to it. Around the time that Jupiter transited my Venus I entered a very Jupiterian relationship, with a very Jupiterian character. (from Venus, transiting Jupiter then moved towards making a conjunction to my Moon)

A lot of the themes in the relationship was very much about Jupiter, but, Plutonian themes were also a strong part of the whole thing.

I can almost see this on a canvas!

We can’t really separate one from the other with clear cut. Think about painting with watercolours, about how the colours blend and mix in a unique way..

Now try seeing astrology in this way.

 

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A few words on the next Full Moon Eclipse..

Im back home in the UK now and can’t help but feel overwhelmed by I am not even sure what (?).

This is the second month that I can feel very strongly the energetic build up of the full Moon and I try just watching it without getting myself too involved in it.

As I take a look at the full Moon’s chart for Bristol (where I currently live) I can’t help but notice Pluto, placed very closely to the ascendant, still making the exact square to Jupiter while Venus in Cancer moves closer to forming a T square.

To me this feels like a big stretch up for transformation, the transformation (potential growth) of our relationships (Jupiter in Libra) linked up with a somewhat survival agenda (Pluto in Capricorn opposite Venus in Cancer), and/or perhaps questions like how much do we depend on our relationships in order to survive will be brought into light.

I see issues of boundaries, individuality and togetherness being triggered.

Jupiter is the apex of the forming T square and it also aspects both the Moon and the Sun, by respectively a trine and a sextile, seeming to hold the key to all of these conflicting and apparent opposing forces.

What is the feeling connected with Jupiter in Libra?! What can be the key possibly held by this symbolism?!

My take on it is: relationships that promote equality and growth!

With the building up of these energies we can potentially see codependency being strongly challenged.  (an issue not taken lightly by neither Aquarius or Leo who symbolises the axis connected with individuality and the specialness/uniqueness of each individual..)

Also this full Moon, happening at 15 degrees Aquarius (opposite the Sun at 15 degrees Leo), does make me think of issues connected with belonging and our sense of alienation being activated.

The Sabian symbol for 15 degrees Aquarius is ” Two lovebirds sitting on a fence and singing happily.”

This somehow resonates with what I have been feeling regarding this lunation and I can’t help but think that the two lovebirds are sitting on a fence not on a tree or something else, they are sitting on a fence which has division and separation at its core purpose I suppose..

This full Moon is also a lunar eclipse and I see eclipses strongly connected with turning points. It feels like a portal that once crossed there is no way back.. not that we would want to go back necessarily…

 

Inner chaos

No, I didn’t get the job.

And from one moment to the next I am thrown back into the Pluto transiting second house, going back to square natal Moon, situation.

Anxious feelings about survival pervading me… an unpleasant sensation in my stomach and the absolute certainty that I do not want and will not go back to working in hospitality.

Even if that means giving up my life in Bristol and going back to Brasil.

There must be a way out from jobs that you don’t enjoy, jobs that crush your soul. I can’t go on like that anymore.

And at the same time..

The fear that I’m never gonna get out of this, no matter how much I want, how much I try, the fear of never accomplishing my purpose..

The fear of running out of cash like I did when I moved here in September last year.

On another hand I did do quite a few readings since I quit the cafe hell. Is just dealing with the insecurity of not working for someone else, which at the end of the day I don’t truly want anyways. So what is the trouble?! What’s wrong with me?!

Perhaps the last wave of infantile fears and inappropriate behaviour that is coming up to the surface for me to release them?

Pluto will be back at 16 degrees Capricorn by December, only one degree away from my natal Moon, and that does reflect that the transformation (connected with this symbolism in particular) still an ongoing process for me.

I did notice that I had a massive crisis at my cafe work, really wanting to leave, on the very same day that Pluto went retrograde.

It made me chuckle when I realised the synchronicity, and the thought of “no, it isn’t finished yet” came straight back into my mind.

There we go, here I am again, struggling to find a way of surviving in this society (Soulful survival). Getting extremely fed up with what prevents me from becoming myself.

What happens next? I don’t know, I just don’t know.

Lunar mess

Yesterday I went to a little Christmas gathering in one of my neighbours. I didn’t really know anyone there apart from my house mate.

It is amazing to see how much of my lunar function is still sort of out of tune.

People would come to talk to me and I would just see myself reacting in an overly Libran fashion, smiling all the time but also feeling the undercurrents of anxiety or darker feelings in almost everyone in the room (probably more linked to my Saturn and Pluto in the 12th house).

Really, I was amazed to see how this part of my psyche (the one connected with the symbolism of the Moon) is still not functioning in a more authentic fashion yet, (although I can now see that happening whereas before it used to be just a reaction, so there is some growth there.)

Mercury will be going retrograde at 15 degrees, the same degree of my Moon in Libra, so probably more insights for me on the Pluto transit and it’s effects on my Moon.

I think that’s probably part of what happens, when going under an important major transit, whichever planet/drive in your psyche is being touched is going to be completely out of tune for a while.

I guess this is just a natural part of the process of transformation. It has to be messed up in order to be reorganised in a different fashion.

Little chaos

Things are getting pretty intense here.

Pluto has moved just one degree away from the square to my natal Moon and I just noticed the typical energetic buzz of black moon Lilith… its just 2 degrees away from crossing over my Ascendant in Scorpio.

I feel like there is a volcano just about to erup inside me now.

(And I say it by experience, from someone who has Venus in opposition to black moon Lilith in the natal chart…)

Feelings of frustration at work are growing exponentially and the sense, or perhaps fear, that I will never express my solar self is haunting me. The self that I am meant to become but that does not seem to exist at the moment..

Then I’ve broke up my relationship one more time just now. The individual is an original Uranus conjunct the IC and I’m a Mars-Uranus conjunct in the first house, I guess at the moment, at its worst.

I’m having a little drink now, haven’t done this in ages, and I’m feeling that that relationship was somehow holding me back actually?! For some reason bearing frustration is a little harder when I’m in a relationship.

I’m not sure.

But funny enough there still seems to be an island of stillness within me..