Venus-Neptune rant

After much tension for the last couple of weeks here I am to write another blog post. This one I think is more of a need for self expression than anything else.

I feel confused and not sure about how to proceed, where should I be or how should I deal with my situation now. My natal Venus Square Neptune has been transited by Pluto and Saturn for some time, with my progressed Venus just about to conjoin natal Saturn, and I do feel this is potentially a big time of learning. Learning about boundaries and self worth, learning about my self-delusion tendencies in love, etc. Learning to get hold of my longings and to not project into a potential partner.

But these days I met an ex lover and all of that knowing and self awareness sort of went down the drain. I’ve always made a point in meeting past lovers after sometime just to complete the process of getting over someone. Just to see how much that person does not have a hold on me anymore. Banishing someone I like from my life forever, has never been my way of dealing with a broken heart.

But what do we do when even after not seeing someone for 5 years you realise that you still have strong feelings for that person? How can that even be possible? I feel like I’ve had so many lives for the past five years, so much travelling, moving cities, jobs, doing a masters, different relationships, etc. So much has happened, so much growth. How is it possible to still have strong feelings for someone that I thought I left behind long ago?

He is one of the only people I’ve met that I felt completely comfortable sleeping beside me, I didn’t feel restless and could manage to go into deep sleep quite easily. Many of his personal planets fall into my 12th house and I have the feeling that that reflects an access that he has to my unconscious, which is quite nice for sleeping. I don’t know. It actually feels like he has free access to my soul, and that’s the trouble. How can you let go of a connection of this kind?

Although a lot of good things are happening in my life at the moment, I feel sad. I wonder what is the point of having such a strong and deep link with someone if you’re not able to pursue and explore it further. Grow together. Why? What is the point in learning about letting go of someone you like so much, knowing that they feel similarly towards you?

Not meant to be? What does that even mean? …

Productive quarantine and Pluto retrograde

I think that I am finally managing to create a productive routine during the lockdown. I guess moving countries again was also inevitably disruptive on my daily practices, etc.

That Mars/Uranus in Sagittarius in my chart reflecting the part of me that keeps travelling and moving around no matter what…

Anyway, Im enjoying the time and space to focus on the things that truly matter to me, in this case, my astrology work. I’ve been working on talks that I will be giving this June, and also taking the opportunity to watch free online courses as well. It really is mind blowing the quantity of online webinars and lectures available even for free at the moment.

That really made me think about the Saturn-Jupiter conjunction in Aquarius that will be taking place in December 21 this year. It seems like we are heading towards the direction of a massive boom of online education, where information is made accessible to a larger number of people.

These days I watched an interesting webinar on how to create online courses and it was quite insightful. Im glad I did it. Now Im being flooded with ideas for creating a short course on astrology myself. I love teaching and public speaking, especially about a subject that Im so passionate about like astrology, so I see potential for developing something really nice.

I even had someone getting in touch with me for a short astrological session in order to learn a bit, rather than just receive the interpretations. That is a sign, isn’t?!

As I work on my talks and think about these ideas of mine, I have to witness a very strong fear of coming out, perhaps a fear of failure, Im not entirely sure. But I do remember astrologer Frank Clifford talking about the journey of Virgo being connected with developing self-confidence because they never believe they know enough or that they are good enough.

That resonates with me so much!

My first big talk for the Astrological Association is happening in June 28 or 27 and Im dreading that moment and, at the same time, really looking forward to it because I will have to break an old pattern of fear, otherwise I won’t be able to do it.

I feel that I was born to be a communicator (amongst other things of course), but it does not come very easily in terms of taking action and being confidently encouraged. But once Im on stage it is almost like something else takes me over and it is really joyful, I feel incredibly high during and afterwards as well.

Anyway, Pluto is going retrograde today until around October the fifth, and this is a great time for revisiting our shadow work. Looking into those paralysing fears that are limiting our capacity to live our lives to the fullest, preventing us from being what we are meant to be.  That’s what Im going to do as I prepare myself for the series of talks that I will be giving in the near future…

Wish me luck!

And if you have been following me and my work for a while and feel that you could be interested in knowing more about the teaching side of it, get in touch. I would love to hear from you.