Who you are by who you’re not..

Mercury retrograde is a great time to revisit and I really enjoy rereading my writings during this time. Unfortunately I don’t have most of my journals on me, with all my moving around that is impossible, but I somehow found a creative solution to travel in time a bit.

As Mercury is travelling backwards in Taurus, a Venus ruled sign connected with how we express love to others and to ourselves, I had the idea of finding and taking a look at all of my ex boyfriends using social media. This time the stalking wasn’t just meant to be random waste of time, there was a purpose behind it.

I wanted to see the mirrors of who I am not anymore.

I wanted to remember what led me to form a relationship with each one of them and how much our paths have diverged after a few years.

I became aware of my struggle to let go of a lover once I surrender into a highly passionate bond during my Saturn return, when for the first time I wasn’t in a relationship where someone else liked me more.

When for the first time I decided to take the risk (my progressed Venus had also just moved into Scorpio!) I could not build a stable relationship without an intense chemistry from my part anymore.

So before that, I did manage to be in many relationships where I had the upper hand for I wasn’t really passionate about any of them. I might have been infatuated for a little, but that would always fade rather quickly and I would find myself committed to someone I wasn’t that much into.

That was my pattern.

I broke up all of those relationships without looking back. There isn’t a single ex boyfriend that I “revisited” yesterday that I wonder what could have been if only (…) . Not really.

Most of them have pretty regular lives, some of them have children already. Some of them have traditionally married or are just about to get.

That doesn’t really bother me. I wish them well.

This has actually reinforced my idea that what is gone is gone, that there is no use in clinging to the past.

The person that I was then is not here anymore.

And by re encountering who I’m not I could have a clearer picture of who I am now. I’ve given myself the opportunity to think about my values when it comes to forming relationships from now on.

Creative ways of using Mercury retrograde (giggles)

 

 

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