With no title

Once again I’ve left such a huge gap between now and my last post. So much has happened..

I’m gonna keep myself free to just write about what I feel truly matters at this moment in time..

On 29th of march I went for a 10 day Vipassana meditation course. 10 days in silence, without almost any distraction, and learning how to meditate for around 10 hours a day.

That was intense. Life changing.

I’ve been meditating 2 hours a day since I came out from the course and I feel that something in me has massively changed and  in a very fundamental level.

I am also still taking a selection of the Bach flower remedies (have I told I’ve done a level one course about the remedies?!).. big changes, massive healing…

At the moment (for a few weeks already) my progressed moon is transiting my natal Neptune and I consciously chose this period to learn how to meditate. Although I’ve practiced yoga consistently for a year, meditating has always been a real struggle.

I guess this is the reality for many of us living in an overly stimulating world. Our minds just go wild and we don’t seem to have any control over it.

Transiting Saturn is also crossing over (more precisely about to cross over) my natal Neptune. Good time for getting serious about spirituality, good time for developing discipline and consistency in my spiritual practice.

This is the way I’ve been using my knowledge in astrology. And it seems to work..

Finding creative ways of working with the symbolism, brainstorming what could be the best potential for those flavours..

Aiming higher..

(I still haven’t bought myself a laptop so will stop here, for writing in a small tablet is tiring..)

Plutonic Capricorn crisis..

I’m sitting down having breakfast on my own.

I just realised that the clock has changed in England and instead of 6:50 is actually 5:51 in the morning.

Having some issues at work and, with that, also having shadowy parts of my psyche popping up regularly.

Being an authority isn’t easy and yesterday, when I went to bed at 8pm feeling down, I was thinking about the reasons why I’ve never wanted to do that (be an authority figure in almost 7 years of experience in this industry).

I am a very good worker and pretty good at taking orders from superiors too (even though I have to respect the person in charge first). And I used to enjoy just being that, the excellent part time worker that comes 3 times a week.

In that way, without committing too much, I’ve managed to keep myself free from the inner critic and almost obsessive perfectionism, at least in these kind of odd jobs (the ones that aren’t really my true passion).

But is really hard to do that now.

I just cannot keep myself detached and make a commitment at the same time.

If I decide to do something, I’m doing it wholeheartedly. I put all of me in it. I am a Scorpio rising after all..

Yesterday when I was in bed really early, resting my exhausted legs and feet, it took me at least 3 good hours and a half to stop thinking about work. I was worried about the inconsistent way that we’ve been serving our coffee (we don’t have a barista), then I was worried that I’m getting my period soon and don’t want to be at work because of the pain (I refuse to take pain killers since my Saturn return and my journey of healing and reconnecting with my womb) but we are a tiny team for financial reasons and at the moment is hard to get someone to cover you..

Then I was worrying that I don’t want to commit myself that much, reasoning that I haven’t opened a cafe myself and that my real passion is astrology.

I want to focus my energy in reading and writing, these are one of my best skills and that’s what I most love doing.

And finally I had to calm myself down and remember that I just need to give him a hand for a little (I’m giving 3 months minimum) and save up some cash working full time, and then I will be free again.

I also can’t forget that Pluto is making the final exact square to my Moon for the whole month of November still.

Home life is pretty good, I’m enjoying it enormously. But what seems to be brought up now is the financial and lifelong (so it seems) crisis in my value system.

I’ve had moments in tears last night thinking about the business mentality of efficiency above human well being and how my ego is easily falling into that trap, for I am the manager now, even though I really don’t believe and don’t want to be a part of that system anymore.

And so I just kept quietly repeating to myself “only 3 months, only 3 months, only 3 months”.. until unconsciousness came to rescue me.

Little thoughts on Gauquelin zones..

Today I finally felt the urge to get out into the world again.

I went for my first bike ride to where my new job is going to be.

The place still a mess, painting to be done, etc. We had a nice chat (me and the owner) and I offered myself to give him a hand with all of that without being paid for it (he doesn’t have much money at the moment and is doing the whole thing by himself).

He is a really nice guy and I really feel that I could do with a new sense of mission, at least for now.

I’m thinking that perhaps the theory about the Gauquelin zones make sense to me. I have natal Saturn right there and I do feel that the planet features strongly in my psyche.

I find that I am pretty good at research and, in a funny way, I really enjoy the challenge of starting from zero and slowly building up.

I enjoy hard work.

I guess this is part of a signature in my chart as I also have natal Sun in the 10th house together with Mercury.

Something about the process of slowly, and steadily, earning respect and achieving mastery fascinates me.

I definitely want to pay more attention to planets in Gauquelin zone in my client’s charts.

One of the kids that I used to mind in London couple of years ago had a stellium in the 6th, near the DSC, and he definitely had talent with sports.

 

Updates of plutonian times..

I’m hanging out at my friend’s kitchen now.

As usual he has woken me up at 7:30 am with his idiosyncratic routine. He is renting both of the bedrooms in the flat so we share the living room when I’m around.

I’m back in London again. I’m still traveling quite a bit even though I’m just getting more and more tired of it.

Last week I was at the forest of Dean which was lovely.

The man I’ve been seeing came to visit me and again we had an intense fight on the third day that we spent together. That’s also the third time this happens.

The Venus square Neptune part of my psyche really can’t seem to be able to discriminate and see this relationship clearly.

On one hand he challenges me a lot, which is great. I’ve never been with a guy who would confront me like he does. On another hand our encounters are becoming very stressful when we fight (even though we also share intense positive moments) and I can’t help but think that perhaps I would be better off on my own.

Since Pluto started transiting my natal Moon I’ve gone through so much strife and crisis. So much destruction has happened and now I just feel like rebuilding myself. Moving into my new home, focusing on saving up some money to buy myself a laptop again (pretty hard to keep writing on this small tablet.), sticking up to a good daily routine.. loving myself…

I’m also sure that he is a manifestation of this transit as I’ve met him when Pluto was retrograde making the third exact square to my moon in July.

Old manipulative tecniques, emotional blackmail, victimisation.. old unconscious patterns of relating in general don’t feature in my interaction with this man.

It doesn’t work. (Not that I consciously want them to work)

He always challenges and questions my communication a lot. He has Venus in Scorpio in the third house and is a lot more direct and talkative than most Scorpio in Venus men that I’ve been with in the past.

He is currently at a 10 day meditation retreat and we agreed not to talk to each other for those days.

Today I’m officially counting down the days to move in to my new bedroom in Bristol. 7 days to go. (And Pluto will be direct when that happens..)

Saturn is also making a trine to my MC and I’ve had a few unexpected requests for astrology work. That’s truly great because I’m not putting much of my energy into my passion at the moment (domestic issues are feeling more urgent with this Pluto/Moon stuff)  so I can only imagine how it will be when I do focus on my work.

Internally I already feel different though. More confidence is available as I’m stepping more and more into my inner authority without feeling scared.

Empowerment.

Also yesterday I did my first head stand.

I’ve been patiently and slowly working towards that since January. I wanted to do it with control and equilibrium rather than by throwing my legs against the wall.

Respect the timing..

(This also works as a symbolic reflection of all the work that I’ve been doing on myself with those multiple transits in the last few years..)

The weight of Saturn

After the personal reminder of yesterday I feel the urge to write about something that more people could resonate with. Something that could work as a reminder also, but for many people this time.

So during my last reading I had my client asking me how important was the Saturn return and what was that about.

Well, very much.

I always say to my clients that it is only after the Saturn return (when transiting Saturn is back in the same position that it was at the moment of birth) that astrologers consider the individual to be leaving teenagehood behind and heading towards becoming an adult. I’m not sure if every astrologer believe that, but I definitely do. And I also want you to keep in mind that it all comes down to individuals as well. I’ve seen people that, even many years after their Saturn return, were still struggling with taking responsibility for themselves.

I like seeing transits as opportunities. When certain parts of your chart are being activated, by transit or progression, is like there is an extra amount of energy available for you to work with. The more aware you are of the possibilities of manifestation according to your personal blueprint, more able to refine those principles for the better.

That’s empowerment.

The question isn’t when your Saturn return is going to be over. The real question is what this Saturn return is about personally to me and how can I work constructively with that. (This question can actually be asked every time you have an important transit from Uranus, Neptune and Pluto also.)

To find the personal meaning you have to analyse where that Saturn is in the astrological chart. What house? What sign? What aspects does it do to other planets or points in that person’s horoscope?

Saturn stands for boundaries, limitations, reality. It also has a resonance with solidity and sturdiness. One of the definitions of responsibility is the ability to respond to life’s challenges, and this is the core line in any transit from Saturn. Specially the Saturn return, when all of the dreams and visions that were healthily experienced in our twenties are brought into check. We feel the weight of responsibility. We realise that we won’t be able to do everything that we thought about doing it, the filmmaking, becoming a scuba diving instructor, travel the world on a horse…and the list goes on. Those dreams were important during that phase of life when we are still experimenting in order to know who we are.

By the time Saturn returns, we feel the weight of responsibility through our decisions. We know that life is somehow becoming serious. We’ve got to optimise our energies investing in what is truly important for us.

Having to face our saturnian fears during the return is a great part of the process. The process of standing on our own feet.

I’ve seen someone with Saturn in  the third house who had never read a book in his entire life facing the challenge of writing a theses in another language in order to get a master.

I’ve seen someone with Saturn in Libra in the 12th going through the hard break up of a long term relationship during his return.

There are many more examples.

What makes the difference is the attitude when taking up the challenge.

Those who did it head on, taking responsibility for themselves, somehow have succeeded in the real challenge of becoming more solid as an individual.