A little note on doing rather than being..

Again its been ages since I wrote something..

Winter is coming here in England and I feel the darkness more and more.

The urgency reflected by transiting Pluto square to my natal Moon seems to be slowly fading away and I am still trying to see clearly what is left within myself.

Perhaps the seasonal darkness can help me making sense of who I am now; but lately I have had people coming to visit and stay with me and its been difficult to spend quality time on my own.

My brother came to visit this weekend. He is gone now and I am feeling a little nostalgic and somewhat sad.

5 years without going back to Brasil or seeing my parents starts to weigh on me I think..

I have a few ideas for new talks and a short course on astrology that I want to put together for early next year, but the darkness and emotional digestive process that I am going through now seem to be holding me back a little.

Is funny how much we seem to have lost touch with the natural processes of gestation and death, with the natural cycles of life.. with the seasons..

Our conditionings, that are supported by technological discoveries (electricity for instance), tells us repeatedly that we should be productive at all times. It tells us that only summer is great, with its long days full of laughter and social times.

It tells us that only the fruit is great, and that we should be ripping them constantly. But what about the seeding? Or taking care of the soil? Those activities are not as glamorous in our society..

I am writing this post in an attempt to dialogue with the voice in my own head that keeps nagging me for not being productive enough.

The darkest time of the year is supposed to be the time to go inwards isn’t?! A time for recoiling and pondering everything that has happened so far and identifying where you’re at in the process of becoming..

This is the time for reassessment and hopefully deeper understanding… why so much pressure to be doing things all the time?!

 

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Toiletroom

How amazing.

I’m laying down on the floor of a tiny little room beside the toilet at my friend’s house. The boiler is in this place and keeps making quite a bit of noise every now and then.

There is a broken chair and some of my stuff spread around.

A bag filled with books, a backpack and a big box containing a random selection of my belongings that I’ve picked up yesterday at my brother’s house.

The last time I saw these box was when I moved out back in March 2015. It feels like having a little treasure really. I had forgotten a lot of those things and it was a joy yesterday to have them in my hands again.

Never mind that though, I’m not so much into the material side of things. Things are just things. They’re replaceable.

What I want to state here is my feeling of appreciation for this piece of floor in this tiny room (while Pluto goes direct!). The old me would not be able to even conceive myself being relax and feeling secure in a situation like this one right now.

And right now I just feel so grateful for being able to sleep alone again…

Lately I’ve been craving my own company so much that I would rejoice in the toilet for having the feeling of aloneness between 4 walls..

(And speaking about that, someone just used the toilet as I was writing this post and the smell is pretty bad here now..)