Multifaceted transiting Pluto..

I just came back from visiting my boyfriend in Wales.

He is staying at an Ashram on the top of a hill in the countryside.

With Neptune activating a strong configuration in his natal chart, which includes his Moon, he has decided to go on a journey in search for home and his purpose in this world.

He is also a number five in numerology. And so am I.

My knowledge in numerology isn’t very vast, but I know a little about number 5 being strongly connected with freedom and travels (which in turn, in my astrological mind, resonates with the archetypal energy of Sagittarius).

This visit has given me some food for thought.

As Pluto slowly makes its way back in the sky (in our perspective), heading to form the last almost exact square to my natal Moon, I realise that the huge transformation (which includes my search for home) hasn’t finished with me yet.

The strong call I felt in the beginning of this transit, back in early 2015, to go and live in a community of like minded people came back to me rather strongly while I was in Wales.

Living in nature and gardening almost daily, chanting and practicing yoga together, sharing the space with people that are somehow in a similar wave length felt closer to home than being in the city.

Eating fresh food from plants that you can potentially form a relationship with, by caring daily and communicating with them, gets you in touch with your centre much more than going to supermarkets.

We really are what we eat!

I know that one of the manifestations of Pluto transiting my Moon in the last few years has been a big and gradually change in my diet and relationship with food. (This is my second month experimenting with/eating Vegan food and the awful period pain that I used to get every month has improved a lot.)

I now have the feeling that I will be going back to the road in a few months.

But it is interesting to see that the earlier feelings of destruction and despair inside me has given place to something else, a stronger “Me”, so this is a different phase in the process of searching for home.. and I somehow look forward to it..

Inner chaos

No, I didn’t get the job.

And from one moment to the next I am thrown back into the Pluto transiting second house, going back to square natal Moon, situation.

Anxious feelings about survival pervading me… an unpleasant sensation in my stomach and the absolute certainty that I do not want and will not go back to working in hospitality.

Even if that means giving up my life in Bristol and going back to Brasil.

There must be a way out from jobs that you don’t enjoy, jobs that crush your soul. I can’t go on like that anymore.

And at the same time..

The fear that I’m never gonna get out of this, no matter how much I want, how much I try, the fear of never accomplishing my purpose..

The fear of running out of cash like I did when I moved here in September last year.

On another hand I did do quite a few readings since I quit the cafe hell. Is just dealing with the insecurity of not working for someone else, which at the end of the day I don’t truly want anyways. So what is the trouble?! What’s wrong with me?!

Perhaps the last wave of infantile fears and inappropriate behaviour that is coming up to the surface for me to release them?

Pluto will be back at 16 degrees Capricorn by December, only one degree away from my natal Moon, and that does reflect that the transformation (connected with this symbolism in particular) still an ongoing process for me.

I did notice that I had a massive crisis at my cafe work, really wanting to leave, on the very same day that Pluto went retrograde.

It made me chuckle when I realised the synchronicity, and the thought of “no, it isn’t finished yet” came straight back into my mind.

There we go, here I am again, struggling to find a way of surviving in this society (Soulful survival). Getting extremely fed up with what prevents me from becoming myself.

What happens next? I don’t know, I just don’t know.

With no title

Once again I’ve left such a huge gap between now and my last post. So much has happened..

I’m gonna keep myself free to just write about what I feel truly matters at this moment in time..

On 29th of march I went for a 10 day Vipassana meditation course. 10 days in silence, without almost any distraction, and learning how to meditate for around 10 hours a day.

That was intense. Life changing.

I’ve been meditating 2 hours a day since I came out from the course and I feel that something in me has massively changed and ┬áin a very fundamental level.

I am also still taking a selection of the Bach flower remedies (have I told I’ve done a level one course about the remedies?!).. big changes, massive healing…

At the moment (for a few weeks already) my progressed moon is transiting my natal Neptune and I consciously chose this period to learn how to meditate. Although I’ve practiced yoga consistently for a year, meditating has always been a real struggle.

I guess this is the reality for many of us living in an overly stimulating world. Our minds just go wild and we don’t seem to have any control over it.

Transiting Saturn is also crossing over (more precisely about to cross over) my natal Neptune. Good time for getting serious about spirituality, good time for developing discipline and consistency in my spiritual practice.

This is the way I’ve been using my knowledge in astrology. And it seems to work..

Finding creative ways of working with the symbolism, brainstorming what could be the best potential for those flavours..

Aiming higher..

(I still haven’t bought myself a laptop so will stop here, for writing in a small tablet is tiring..)

Ongoing kales. .

One of the little quirk things that we do at the cafe I’m working is having Cavolo Nero in bottles on the tables (rather than flowers or more common types of plants for decoration).

We used to change them quite often when I realised that maybe putting a little water in the bottles could perhaps make the kale last for longer and save us the trouble and wastage.

It turns out that they are growing roots now!

My feelings towards my job are getting better again. We’ve got someone else working with us that I really appreciate. In synastry his Sun is conjunct my Moon and his Mars conjunct my Venus.

Contrary to what you might be imagining (the ones that know a bit about astrology) I don’t feel sexually attracted to him. But we do work well together and I truly enjoy his energy.

I also got a place to volunteer once a week at a wellbeing centre.

I feel like I’m starting to move forward with my outer life again.

This mercury retrograde in Capricorn has been an interesting time for me to draw a plan for doing more of the things that I’d rather be doing.

Then in only couple of months my progressed Moon will change to Capricorn and I already can feel a slight shifting in my energy.

More grounding and planing in my life is welcome. Earth is my element.

I also feel more serious.

But obviously, the ongoing transit from Pluto to my Moon has a strong part in these feelings of seriousness.

Dieing isn’t like a walk in the park.

Yesterday I was rereading couple of my old journals, from 2015/2016, and I saw how intense these last two years have been. How much ego death has brought difficult emotions for me to deal with.

A lot of stuff from my mother as well. I really feel like I’ve been dealing with my “family curse”.

The process was gradual. As soon as I opened the can of warms there was an increase of trapped dark emotions with more truth after feeling those difficult emotions, then more emotional junk followed by more raw insightfulness .. and so on and so forth..

I’ve been digging so deep that I can’t transcribe here all of my realisations, I would have to write for days and days.

Perhaps I just can’t do it because I’m still in it.

Just like those ongoing kales at work.. but with a bit of fresh water to help me growing new roots instead of just dieing over and over again…

Lunar mess

Yesterday I went to a little Christmas gathering in one of my neighbours. I didn’t really know anyone there apart from my house mate.

It is amazing to see how much of my lunar function is still sort of out of tune.

People would come to talk to me and I would just see myself reacting in an overly Libran fashion, smiling all the time but also feeling the undercurrents of anxiety or darker feelings in almost everyone in the room (probably more linked to my Saturn and Pluto in the 12th house).

Really, I was amazed to see how this part of my psyche (the one connected with the symbolism of the Moon) is still not functioning in a more authentic fashion yet, (although I can now see that happening whereas before it used to be just a reaction, so there is some growth there.)

Mercury will be going retrograde at 15 degrees, the same degree of my Moon in Libra, so probably more insights for me on the Pluto transit and it’s effects on my Moon.

I think that’s probably part of what happens, when going under an important major transit, whichever planet/drive in your psyche is being touched is going to be completely out of tune for a while.

I guess this is just a natural part of the process of transformation. It has to be messed up in order to be reorganised in a different fashion.