Neptunian longings …

Im feeling tremendously nostalgic as I prepare myself emotionally to move on from the past six months spent in Brazil. Its like I already miss everything around here so much…

Then I looked into the astrological chart of this moment and realised that the Sun is exactly conjoined Neptune in the sky. I tend to feel the Sun as a big spotlight that illuminates whatever else it touches, so in that sense, Neptune is really under the spotlight right now.

My melancolia has this Piscean Neptune’s signature.

I have always found hard to write about Neptune but Liz Greene’s book on Neptune really helped me understanding this archetypal dimension of life a bit more. She talked about it in relationship to a few different possibilities/themes like for example martyrdom, victimisation, art, transcendence, nostalgia, the scapegoat, and many other dimensions, including the longing to go back to the source.

This is such a complex and yet simple idea to think about, the longing to be in union with everything once again, a sense that resonates with the experience of being in the womb. It touches one of the main points regarding Neptune I believe, for Neptune really talks about our boundaries being easily dissolved. Compassion is a potential manifestation of this phenomena, but victimisation, a less pleasant one, is also a possibility when Neptune features strongly. They are two sides of the same coin.

With transiting Sun in an exact conjunction to Neptune I think that our longings are bound to come to the surface now. In my case is connected with the sense of belonging and searching for home, but I think that this might be a coverup to this deeper longing to stay in union, to go back and swim in the waters of the goddess’s womb. To be one again.

Today and tomorrow, and perhaps for this whole lunation cycle so rich in Neptunian energy since the New Moon was also conjoined with Neptune, we would do well in being aware of this longing underneath what we think we need. We would do well also in honouring this energy consciously by writing poetry, or painting, or appreciating beautiful music… anything that can help us dissolve the boundaries in a constructive way…

How are you feeling?   …

Pluto-Moon transit update and roots

In less than a month I will be heading back to the UK after almost 6 months living in Brazil. I have mixed feelings and think about how much the decision of living outside your home country changes things for good.

Where then is home?

For many years I rejected Brazil as my place of origin and adopted the foreigner identity, but now this seems to be changing again. I don’t feel completely Brazilian in a cliche sort of way, but I also don’t feel ‘not Brazilian’ anymore either.

These feelings made me think about writing a sort of update on my long lasting/ongoing Pluto-Moon transit.

For the last 5 years much has happened in connection to transiting Pluto forming a square to my natal Moon.

(if you’re curious about this whole process just click on the tag ‘Pluto Square Moon’)

I now find myself a lot more balanced and emotionally honest, giving more space for healthier emotional bonds in my life, and the list really goes on. Feeling more secure within myself, more solid, living what seems to be a more authentic life, more courageous in lots of different levels, with a transformed relationship with my mother but also the inner mother has changed a lot… (the list really goes on…) but…

I still find myself without a home.

Since I moved out from London in early 2015 I’ve travelled a lot and experimented a lot. I’ve developed myself through moving around, also through gathering the courage and guts to move on my own. I lived in Bristol, in Thailand for 3 months, I hitchhiked for 3 months, I’ve worked on summer festivals by myself, I moved to a community in the Forest of Dean for a year and a half, I came back to sense myself in Brazil for 6 months… I’ve put down roots just to shortly pull them up again.

I think I did a lot. (A lot of moving around, definitely)

Now, as I stare into my temporary keyring which is once more with multiple sets of keys (one for my mom’s, one for my friend’s where I currently live, and one from the guy I’ve been dating)  I wonder how long it will take until I’m able to have a home that’s not so much temporary…

How long until I can put down roots which will grow a little further than usual?

I am looking into buying a flat in Sao Paulo with my father and my intuition says that perhaps my 12 year chapter in England is coming to an end…

At the moment transiting Pluto is forming a trine/sextile to my ASC-DSC axis and trine to my natal Venus, but it will eventually conjunct my IC in Aquarius. And I wonder what will be the condition of my roots by then…

I also find interesting the fact that my Progressed Moon is in Aquarius, the sign of my IC, and in 6 months it will be crossing over it and into my 4th house, exactly when Im thinking about coming back to Brazil to spend another 6 months, but by then, possibly with a flat of my own.